


Lost & Found

by binksybane, ConeyIslandBlitz



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood-centric, Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Alec, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane's Omamori Charm, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Memories, POV Magnus Bane, Recovered Memories, Sad Alec, Sad Magnus, Shadowhunter Alec Lightwood, Warlock Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-04 11:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12770334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/binksybane/pseuds/binksybane, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConeyIslandBlitz/pseuds/ConeyIslandBlitz
Summary: There would be no use in killing you; the pain of death is fleeting. No. I realised the way to bring you immeasurable pain was through the Shadowhunter. At first I thought to kill him... and then I thought to turn him. Would you still love your precious Shadowhunter if he were Nephilim no more; if he had demon blood, running through his veins, as you do? When he was no more angelic and pure would you still look at him the same and love him the same?





	Lost & Found

**Author's Note:**

> A collaboration between Sophie and myself.
> 
> I *may* write the "turning Alec" version if I have time... any interest?  
> I also left it kinda sorta open-ended in case we wanted to continue the story.
> 
> \---
> 
> Twitter: @binksybane / @ConeyIsleBlitz

"For nearly a century I wondered how I would make you suffer. What can you do to the High Warlock of Brooklyn who can magic anything he wants out of thin air; who had spells and potions for everything? And then I heard a rumour."  
  
"A rumour of a young Shadowhunter who won the heart of the Warlock who had sworn off love. A Shadowhunter of Lightwood blood, who had thumbed his nose up at the Clave and its rules, and lived happily ever after with the Warlock."  
  
"And it was just perfect. There would be no use in killing you; the pain of death is fleeting. No. I realised the way to bring you immeasurable pain was through the Shadowhunter. At first I thought to kill him... and then I thought to turn him. Would you still love your precious Shadowhunter if he were Nephilim no more; if he had demon blood, running through his veins, as you do? When he was no more angelic and pure would you still look at him the same and love him the same?"  
  
"Then an idea struck, and I have to say, it's one of my most brilliant to date. What better way to make you suffer, to hurt you, than to take your love away... literally. Your precious Shadowhunter remembers nothing of you; nothing of the love you have for each other, nothing of the moments you have shared. He remembers _nothing_ ; and you, my dear son, you now mean _less_ than nothing to him."  
  
Magnus woke with a start and he swore he could still hear Asmodeus' laughter echoing in the loft. It had been a _long_ time since he'd last given his father any thought... and an even longer time still since he'd dreamed of Edom's ruler. The dream had been disturbingly realistic; staring into the gold-green eyes he'd inherited and seeing the delighted malice in them had sent chills racing down his spine.  
  
×  
  
Alec walked into the Institute and headed straight for his room. It felt like jackhammers were having a party in his head, and it _hurt_. He'd gone out for... why _had_ he gone out? He couldn't remember at the moment - not with the pain in his head - but all he knew was that he'd found himself standing outside an apartment building. And the more he tried to remember the more it hurt. Well, wherever he'd been going couldn't have been that important, or he wouldn't have forgotten.  
  
He rummaged around his medicine cabinet for painkillers; he needed something to take the edge off. He'd been slashed and stabbed in battle, and had near death incidents more than once, but this throbbing in his head hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced; it seemed otherworldly. Alec nearly wept with relief when he found some aspirin.  
  
×  
  
Magnus looked at the clock again. Alec had sent him a text saying that he'd be making his way home shortly... but that had been nearly ninety minutes ago. Normally Magnus wasn't one to fret and worry; he learned long ago that the life of a Shadowhunter often meant dropping everything at a moment's notice to go fight a demon or some such thing. And sometimes Alec didn't always have the time or opportunity to let him know " _hey honey, I'll be home late_ "... but Magnus' dream had him more than a little worried. He would just portal over to the Institute and see for himself that Alec was fine.  
  
Alec was fine. Everything was okay.  
  
×  
  
The pain was finally ebbing; Alec no longer felt like his head was about to implode. He just needed to rest, that's all. The Institute would have to function without him for one night... besides, in his state, he didn't think he'd be able to do any sort of leading.  
  
Now that he was feeling slightly better he could think. There was a big part of him that felt... _wrong_. He didn't know what was wrong but he could sense it; he felt empty, like there was a huge part of him that was missing, but he just couldn't think what it could be. It was like trying to look through a veil, there was something there, but he just couldn't make it out. And the more he tried the more it started to hurt again.  
  
"Alec?" Isabelle was calling out for her brother as she walked down the hall to his room. Clary had come to her worried because Jace had suddenly been crippled with pain and the only explanation could have been his Parabatai bond with Alec... which meant something was wrong with her brother. Last she'd seen of him, he'd been heading home to Magnus, but he might have forgotten something and turned around to come back.  
  
×  
  
Magnus had to walk through the ops centre to get to Alec's room. Most of the Shadowhunters were used to seeing him around the Institute, and of them, only a fair few had ever been anything but nice to him. The way he saw it only Raj had a legit reason to dislike him, but _really_ , it had been his own fault. It didn't bother him any - he'd lived far too long and been through too much to be upset about a couple of Nephilim getting pissy because he was dating a Shadowhunter, because he was dating the Head of their Institute, or because he was Alec Lightwood's boyfriend.  
  
Magnus heard voices as he neared Alec's room and as he got closer he realised they belonged to Alec and Isabelle. He could hear the confusion in Izzy's voice and the annoyance in his boyfriend's. He walked in and had twin pairs of the signature Lightwood eyes staring at him.  
  
"Magnus I was just about to call you!"  
  
"What are you doing here Warlock?"  
  
Magnus looked at Alec; It was true then. His beloved was standing before him and looking at him as though he was a stranger. It hurt, but Magnus knew if he was going to be of any help to Alec, he had to stow feelings away for the time being. On this note his Shadowhunter was right - _Emotions are nothing but a distraction_.  
  
"Magnus, what's wrong with him?" Izzy's voice was full of concern.  
  
"It would seem that Alec has fallen victim to a Greater Demon... one that took certain bits of his memories."  
  
Izzy could only stare at him in shock.  
  
"Wait what? I think I'd know if I had been attacked by a Greater Demon... and what would one want with my memories? What's going on? Izzy?" Alec looked to his sister for answers. Even as his mind logically denied it, he thought of that piece of him that he felt was missing, and he wondered.  
  
"His name is Asmodeus - a Greater Demon, a Prince of Hell," Magnus sighed. "And my father." He heard Izzy's shocked gasp. "I thought it had been a dream when he had appeared to me but I know now that it was one of his many tricks. He wouldn't attempt to come to me in the flesh - not unless he was at full strength. He had been looking for a way to cause me pain and he realised the way to do that was through Alexander. He must have followed Alec home, to the loft, and did what he came to do."  
  
"I don't- I don't understand. I mean, the last I remember I was standing on the street, outside this apartment building..."  
  
"That would be our apartment building then, where our loft is. I'm guessing you were on your way home and Asmodeus must have waited until you were in the building before attacking you, and then he must have put some kind of spell on me because I'd been out cold... and I'd lost time."  
  
" _Our_ loft? _Home_? Do we... are we...? I don't- I can't remember." Alec was getting frustrated. If indeed some demon had taken his memories - he felt violated and cheated. "Someone explain to me what the hell is going on please."  
  
Magnus let Izzy fill in the blanks. Putting his emotions on the back burner was one thing, but it still hurt, and he just couldn't bear to go through all their history and have Alec look at him and not know who he was. So sue him, he thought, that for once in his long life he was being selfish and thinking of himself.  
  
He listened with half an ear to Isabelle telling Alec of his almost wedding to Lydia, of the times they almost lost each other - him using his Parabatai bond to find Jace and of Valentine's attack on the Institute and Alec not knowing if Magnus had made it out in time. There were some things Isabelle couldn't tell Alec; those were memories only he and Alec shared; and now apparently ones only he had. He would have to face it all though - he would be damned if he would let his father take Alec away from him like this. He had all his magic at his disposal and he believed that their love was stronger than Asmodeus' dirty ploys; he _had_ to believe it.  
  
Magnus tuned back when he heard Alec's protests. "Look under your shirt, the chain you wear."  
  
Alec was confused, but he looked under his shirt, and pulled out the chain. Hanging on it was a ring, and when Alec held it, he had a quick flash of seeing Magnus giving it to him, of feeling so cherished. He looked on the inside of the ring and saw the engraving: " _Yours always, Magnus._ "  
  
He didn't know what to say... he wasn't even sure what to feel. But he _knew_ \- and he couldn't have said how - as solid and as real the ring felt in his hand, that Magnus and him had shared something just as solid and real. It was unsettling to know in your mind that you share such an intimate bond with someone but was unable to feel it in your heart.  
  
"I'm going to go back home to the loft. You know how to reach me if anything happens." Magnus went to Izzy, gave her a hug and whispered something in her ear, then walked to Alec. He wasn't sure any display of affection would be welcome but he risked it; Magnus silently cupped Alec's face, stroking gently with his thumbs, as much in comfort as to take comfort. "I will find a way to fix this." He then walked to the door and took a last look at Alec. "Goodnight, Alexander." With that he left the siblings alone.  
  
"Alec... are you okay?" Izzy went to him and took his hands in hers.  
  
"I don't know Iz. I just... I need time to process all this. It's a lot." He squeezed her hands. "I'll be okay."  
  
Later that night Alec lay in bed unable to sleep. He wondered if it was because his mind was in overdrive or if it was because he'd become accustomed to sleeping with Magnus at the loft; Izzy had told him he spent most nights there. He picked his phone up off the nightstand, scrolled through his messages, and read the ones between him and Magnus. He followed his instinct and tapped the reply button on the last message he'd received - Magnus saying he'd see Alec at home that night.  
  
_Goodnight Magnus._  
  
He wanted to say he was sorry he didn't remember but it sounded so useless and empty to him.  
  
So instead he spoke the truth.  
  
_Thinking of you._  
  
He opened the message when his phone signalled a new incoming text.  
  
_"Goodnight Alexander. I love you."_  
  
Alec fell asleep holding onto the chain around his neck and dreamed of the Warlock.  
  
×  
  
Magnus and Alec woke at the same time, in different beds, but still reaching for the other. Try as he might, there were some things even a Prince of Hell could not change or destroy - and even if he didn't know and couldn't remember, Alec pined for Magnus, missing the scent and warmth of his lover in the morning.  
  
They spent the next few days apart - despite the fact Alec's personal life was a confused mess he had an Institute to run. Magnus on the other hand, spent his time looking through his collection of spell books, speaking to fellow Warlocks, all in the hopes of reversing whatever the hell his father had done. He told Alec not to leave the Institute; the wards, _his_ wards, would keep Asmodeus out - at least if he could accomplish nothing else then he could keep Alexander safe.  
  
Tonight was the night of their Cabinet Meeting, so he would be seeing Alec later. He'd stayed away for the last four days - partly because he couldn't handle being around Alec; it hurt too much, and because he didn't want to go back empty-handed; he had to find a way to fix this.

  
×

"Alec welcomed the warlock to the Institute for the first cabinet meeting since the memory wipe - not that he knew he'd been memory wiped, he just knew something was off - and for the sake of improving relations between the Shadow World and the Downworld, he was civil to him, almost kind. The moment their hands made contact in a handshake, something awoke in Alec. This was when he realised that Magnus was at the centre of this void he'd been feeling. How exactly Magnus was connected to all this, he was still yet to figure out. But he found himself determined to get there. Magnus, on the other hand, used all the strength he had in him to keep his feelings aside and not overwhelm Alec with their history. He just wanted Alec to remember, so they could go back to how they were, so he can shower him with love and affection, and never let it be forgotten again just how much Alec means to him.  
  
It was breaking his heart to look into Alec's eyes, hoping to see the love he'd grown accustomed to, but finding nothing.  
  
×  
  
The meeting was well underway and Alec felt like they were finally making progress. He still had the Clave to answer to but he felt that if he got all the Downworlders to ally themselves with at least his division of Shadowhunters, then true equality could finally be achieved. Magnus had the floor right now and Alec noticed something shine in his peripheral vision...

 

~~  
**~flashback~**  
"Hey Magnus, I got you something," Alec announced once they'd returned from their quick day trip to Amsterdam. He'd always wanted to visit the Rijksmuseum and the Anne Frank House.  
"... Me?" Magnus asked in surprise.  
"Yes, you. Here, open it," he said excitedly, or as excitedly as anyone would ever see Alec Lightwood get, and handed him the little violet purple box. Magnus looked awe-stricken as he opened his gift, and in it sat a sterling silver ear cuff shaped like an arrow. He was mesmerised.  
"Alexander, it's beautiful. You never cease to amaze me," Magnus said with all the love in his heart as he walked closer to Alec in a move to kiss him.  
"In the best way, I hope..." Alec said, closing his eyes as Magnus came ever closer...  
~~  
  
Luke now had the floor and had been trying to get Alec's attention.  
"ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD!" Luke finally called, raising his voice. Now Alec snapped out of his triggered memory. He looked around and felt rather embarrassed.  
"I'm so sorry, Luke. I don't know what came over me, I must have zoned out. Uhm... could you excuse me for a moment?" Alec asked, as he made to stand up and temporarily leave the meeting just to gather his thoughts. Magnus watched him for a moment, and realised he might need to make sense of this, so he went after him.  
  
"Alec...?" Magnus called as soon as he caught up with the confused Shadowhunter. Alec closed his eyes and huffed out a long sigh before facing him.   
"I remember that ear cuff... I gave it to you, as a gift..."  
"From Amsterdam, that's right," Magnus finished off with a fond smile.  
"Magnus... what are we to each other?" Alec asked, genuinely dying to know. He'd been getting frustrated with this wall that was built in his mind and he wanted it knocked down, just as it happened in Berlin. He wanted to know. Nay, he needed to know, he needed to remember, because he could see the hurt in this Warlock's eyes and he found himself willing to do whatever it took to take that pain away.  
"We're, um... we're boyfriends, Alec. Or, we were, until you got your memory wiped."  
Alec huffed, "So it WAS a memory wipe...? Listen, um, Magnus... do you think after this meeting, we could go to your place, or our place- the loft, can we go to the loft?" He stuttered.  
"Of course. It might jog your memory further," Magnus affirmed, and as he looked over his shoulder he added, "but we should head back and finish the meeting."  
Alec smiled as Magnus did and said, "Yes, let's get this done first."

  
×

  
They walked back to the loft as they had countless times before, taking in the lights and sounds of a city that never really slept, passing shops and restaurants they'd been to previously. Alec hoped for some semblance of recognition, even the tiniest thing, but there was nothing.  
  
  
×  
  
Alec wandered around the loft while Magnus made them drinks. He spied bits and pieces of himself - one of his jackets hanging near the front door, a small stash of weapons he found stowed in the hallway closet, and the picture of them that was tucked into the frame of one of the many paintings dotted around.  
  
He picked it up and had a quick flashback of them taking hundreds of pictures in that photo booth. He recalled them being chased out because they had held up the line so much - what with Magnus having used his magic to circumvent the machine so they could take picture after picture after picture.  
  
"Here." Alec turned and took the drink Magnus offered. It was clear liquid in a martini glass, then the Warlock snapped his fingers, and the surface of the drink was covered in blue flames. "To us."  
  
Alec toasted him and took a sip of his drink. He scrunched his face up a little - it was nice, but strong - which made Magnus laugh. "What?"  
  
"Nothing." Magnus expression changed, from laughing to thoughtful. "You did that the first time as well."  
  
Alec didn't know what to say to that so instead he asked, "Tell me about the places we've been and the things we did."  
  
They sat on the couch, facing each other, sharing drinks and Alec listening to Magnus tell him stories of their lives. He didn't want to tell him to stop; he liked listening to the sound of Magnus' voice, of the cadence of it as he laughed at a particularly funny story or when it changed as he told of the time they'd fought because Alec had kept a secret from him.  
  
"... and then we spent the night at the Palace Hotel in Tokyo-"  
  
Alec had another flashback - this one was forceful, full of emotion, and it took his breath away. He remembered Tokyo - of going to shop after shop and portalling back home with tons of shopping bags. He remembered being on the balcony looking out over their view of the city - and of them taking the rest of their date indoors... and how they hadn't left bed for hours after.  
  
"Alec? Alec? Are you okay?" Magnus was looking at him with concern, a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him.  
  
"Yeah, I'm okay. I just..."  
  
Magnus let him go and turned away.  
  
Alec knelt down in front of him and made Magnus look at him. It ripped him into pieces that there were tears in Magnus' eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, please don't."  
  
Magnus shook his head. "No it's not your fault. If not for me Asmodeus wouldn't have given you a second thought. It's all because of me."  
  
Alec wiped at the tears running down Magnus' face. "Hey hey, none of this is your fault, okay? Don't apologise for loving me; for being with me. Please." He started to take Magnus' hands in his, but the Warlock was holding something, so Alec gently opened his clenched fist. At first he couldn't tell what it was, but then he reached for it, held it in his own hands.  
  
He remembered giving Magnus the Omamori charm when they came home from Tokyo; how surprised the Warlock had been that Alec had gotten him a gift for no other reason than because he'd thought of Magnus.  
  
And like a dam breaking, Alec's memories came rushing back, and with them his feelings for Magnus. It was like being filled with life again; that void he'd been walking around with was empty no more. Alec remembered everything - from the first time they met to the morning he left their home the day he was attacked by Asmodeus.  
  
Alec was overcome with emotion. He felt horrible for forgetting Magnus, even the tiniest detail, even though he knew logically that the memories had been taken from him. He felt terrible that Magnus had been upset for even a moment; worried that Alec would never remember him again. And he was furious that Asmodeus had used him to hurt Magnus; had used their love against him.  
  
He wanted to make it right with Magnus; he needed to make it right. With the Omamori charm held tightly in his hand he pulled Magnus into a hard hug. He couldn't describe how good it felt to be back in the arms of his lover... how at home he felt. "Mags." Alec felt Magnus stiffen. He pulled back to see the Warlock staring at him through teary eyes.  
  
"What did you- what did you say?" Hope bloom in his heart, but still he held back, unsure. Could it be? Dare he hope?  
  
"I said, 'Mags'. I missed you Mags." He took Magnus' face in his hands and kissed him; poured all the emotion he felt into the kiss.  
  
"I thought I might have lost you forever." Magnus held Alec close, pressed his forehead to the Shadowhunter's.  
  
"Shh, never. I will always find my way back to you, always." He kissed Magnus again, this time gently, offering comfort.  
  
"Alexander. My father won't give up... if anything he'll come at us, at you, harder."  
  
Alec shook his head. "Then we'll deal with him. Whatever we have to do, we'll do together, because we're better together."


End file.
